mywords.

Yesterday.

2009-11-23T00:52:00.001-05:00

There were days when she only wanted to lay on her stomach, gazing out the window. Discover the beauty of the world from the trash blowing through the streets. Gaze at the clouds in the sky and imagine a bear, a balloon, a unicorn. Ignore the guns, bombs, and always the death that appeared to her in the vapors.

The smoke left her lungs and gathered in a swirling dance of regrets, mistakes, and long-lost chances, dissipating right in front of her face.

Her dreams seemed so small and far away as she stared after them over her shoulder. She awoke in a cold sweat, thoughts of endings and never running fast enough still playing in her brain.
What about yesterday?

His fingertips had lingered on the inside of her wrist after he whispered into her ear: “Don’t you know you are beautiful?” Yesterday or a month ago? A month or three years? What is time? Why do we insist upon forcing our days and lives into this impossible measurement? What does it all mean and why do we even torture ourselves with that question?

But what about yesterday?
When the skies were blue but not like his eyes. Nothing like his eyes. There was so much there to see. So much that wasn’t there. So much she wanted, craved, tried to love.

The smile had vanished from his face when she told him. “I can’t do this.” Those eyes. What happened? “I can’t.”

She preferred the window. Safely behind the panes, things didn’t really exist. The world played like a movie on the big screen.

Everyone was playing their part. Who pulls the strings? Who makes the decisions we act out? It didn’t matter because it is only a work of drama. The credits will roll and we will learn the moral and always always always live happily ever after. Everything tied up in a neat, pretty bow.

But what about yesterday?

Speechless.

2008-11-05T00:43:00.000-05:00

I am so proud of this election.
I am so proud to be an American tonight.

Obama 2008. Look what we did. :)

What did you learn tonight?

2008-09-01T21:46:00.003-04:00

"This would be the perfect night for me to die in a car accident," I say aloud to myself, racing through downtown.
But no one would know why. No one would know what was speeding through my still-adolescent mind in those last moments. No one would know that my every thought plays through my mind like an overly-dramatized movie script.
They wouldn't know the dreams I held, the dreams I feared.
I take a long drag of my cheap cigarette and wonder if I'm really just like everyone else.

I exhale and can't see the smoke escaping from my lips. I can't see anything with definition, just red, yellow, and white streaking past through my windshield and in my peripheral.
They're all probably right. I'll admit defeat. I'll give up on these dreams and settle for a mediocre existence. I won't touch any lives of significance, and won't be remembered long after my corpse rots away into this earth. I'll learn to accept things for how they are, and I'll stop longing for something different, something better.

I ease my foot from the accelerator and to the brakes, making a left turn onto my street.
"I'll probably just settle," I think.

I cut the ignition and get out.
I go back inside the apartment.

I'll probably settle.

Seventeen.

2008-07-28T01:53:00.001-04:00

With every day carrying me a little further from seventeen,
the world gets a little bigger and I get a little smaller.

I drift further away from the sleepovers, the late night chats,
and the heartbreaking crushes.

The days seem distant when I felt so infinite.
My dreams were so very big.

Some days I wish I could wish my way back to seventeen.
The colors were brighter.
The days a bit longer.

But there isn’t enough time.
There was never enough time.

And we can't wish our lives away.

That's how I got here in the first place.

Dirty shoes.

2008-04-04T01:45:00.002-04:00

Since I was a very small kid, I've never been able to keep my shoes clean.
It just never worked out for me.

I remember looking at my classmates' shoes... my friends' shoes... And wondering why theirs always looked brand new.

Why mine always looked dingy and ratty in comparison.

It was actually a point of embarrassment for me. I was ashamed of my shoes.
Is that weird?
Possibly.

But I discovered, the other day, why I was never able to, and why I still can't seem to, keep my shoes looking half decent.

It's because I can't stand staying on a path.

I was never one to take the sidewalk, instead I tromped through the grass.
I didn't have any reservations about wearing my shoes absolutely anywhere. Whether they were my "nice shoes" or my "play shoes," I wore any of them anywhere.

Through the mud.
Through fields.
Climbing trees.
Everywhere.

I guess Forrest Gump was right. "There's an awful lot you can tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going. Where they've been."

I've been off the path.
And I plan on going even further off the path.

Give me a break, it's 2 in the morning.

Goodnight.

Just today.

2008-03-20T21:59:00.002-04:00

Today... I have regrets.

I regret pulling the bows off the new shoes my mom bought me when I was 3... right after she bought them for me.

I regret every lie I ever told to anyone.

I regret every time I've ever talked about anyone behind their back.

I regret breaking up with that boy over the internet that one time.
Ouch.

I regret not keeping my cat, Frederick, inside, even though my dad told me he had to stay outside. Maybe then he would have lived.

I regret not sticking up for more people during school. Even though I still stuck up for a lot of them.

I regret not taking enough time for myself over the years.

I regret letting people walk all over me.

I regret the years I spent being obnoxious so that people would like me.
It never worked.

I regret choosing to go to Piedmont for college.

I regret cutting ties with people... Even when they deserved it.

I regret not living more.

Perhaps by tomorrow I'll have regained the strength to have no regrets. I can say, with complete honesty, that I'm thankful for every moment because it helped shaped who I am today.

But today I'm not happy with that.

Today I'm too weak.

Today I regret.

Inefficient Apologies.

2007-12-29T23:03:00.000-05:00

I would like to apologize to my regular readers (I think there's maybe 2 of you)
for having a complete lack of anything interesting to say lately.

I realize I've been severely lacking on the "creativity" front, and it's not something I'd say I was proud of.

It doesn't mean I'm thinking less...

Maybe it's that I've been thinking even more.
And once you get to that "system overload" point,
it's all you can do to just process those thoughts to the best of your ability and work through them the best you can.

Writing usually helps.
But not this time, somehow. I need to just work through things in silence, I guess.

I do hope to be back on my feet with that soon, however.

In personal news, I got a badass camera a few days ago.

Sony Alpha A100K DSLR.

Look it up.

And be jealous.

If you want to see my progress on the photography front, please feel free to visit my page on deviantART.

I promise that will get better with time as well.

Though there are photos on there from 2005. So I've already come pretty far. Bahaha.

Having a nice camera should help on that front.

I dunno what will help me with the writing.

Keep me in your thoughts. :)
Make 'em happy.

Love.

And.

2007-12-19T13:31:00.000-05:00

So I've lost some weight recently.

Though it's not like anyone could notice.
I mean... you can't tell by looking at me.

Here's to a pointless entry.

<3

Who are we?

2007-12-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

I keep dwelling on the question of how others envision me. What I mean to them.
And I realize I can't come up with an adjective that describes who I am.
I'm a writer.
I'm a lover.
I'm a sister, a daughter, a friend.
I love music, photography, and reading.

But all of those things are just things I do. I write, I love, I laugh, I live...

None of them say a thing about who I am.

What defines you?
Is it the way you see the world?
Your care for others?
How you are more concerned with the little things, like the color of someone's eyes, or the way the breeze feels in your hair,
instead of the "big picture?"

Tell me who you are.

I can't do it yet, because I'm still trying to figure it all out.

Love,
Marissa.

P.S.
I've been tagged by Twisted Visage.
My task is to list my "top 5" favorite albums of all time, and then tag 2 others to do the same.
I don't know that I can tag 2 others, because there are only two here whose blogs I follow regularly.
So I tag YOU. If you're reading this, feel free to leave a comment with your answers. Or post it on your own blog/web page/whatever, and tag 2 friends. :)

Here are mine (and this is very hard for me, and they're not in any particular order):
1. Bright Eyes: Lifted or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground.
2. Bright Eyes: Cassadaga.
3. Garden State Soundtrack.
4. Jimmy Eat World: Bleed American.
5. Linkin Park: Hybrid Theory.

Yeahhhh knowing me, I'll be listening to something this afternoon and decide it belongs on the list, but I'll just leave it at that.

Sorry

2007-11-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

for the lack of activity and creativity lately.

I've just been mooching off everyone else, apparently.

I apologize in advance...

2007-10-27T18:05:00.001-04:00

[original source]

"In that moment, I knew success, not greatness, was the only god the world served."

2007-10-11T12:28:00.000-04:00

I am so glad humans have the ability to continue to learn new things as long as they live.
No matter how many more years I spend on this Earth- I want to soak up everything I discover. I want to just keep building on my current knowledge, until I've filled my brain with all it can hold.
And then I will keep going.

I find it beautiful that no matter how much we think we have learned about something, even ourselves, there are always new discoveries to be made.

I realized a couple of big things about myself a couple of nights ago. Things that I hope to work on and improve.

1. I am a sucker for praise.
I need approval and I need compliments. If someone does not assure me that my work is good, it tears me apart. Which is ridiculous. I'm supposed to be one of those "I don't give a shit what you think" people. Or so I used to think. But it's not me. As much as I wish I didn't care, and as much as i pretend not to, I do. So when someone tells me they've read something I've written and they leave it at that (not telling me what they thought of it, just a "I read it"), I drown in a sea of doubt. I draw up within myself and everything melts away into thoughts of what was wrong with it to not warrant some compliment or at least an acknowledgment that it made them think.

2. I am afraid. Of just about everything. And my biggest fear is not death, as I often say. Though death is on up there on my list of "irrational fears." I've found that my biggest fear is actually failure. This kills me because I know it's not something I should fear, and because it sounds so common. The last thing I want is to be is common.

But I am so deathly afraid that, now that I've decided to pursue a lifelong dream rather than just live a mediocre existence, I'll fail at what I love.
I'm afraid that no one will want to read what I have to say.
I'm afraid my procrastination will get the best of me, or I'll suffer from an eternity of writer's block, and never finish what I start.
I'm just scared.
I'm scared of so much. And, sadly, I've begun to let that fear take control of my life.

This isn't something I'm just willing to accept.
I don't want to be an attention-whore, and I don't want to let fear dictate the way I live. I want to be free, the way I know I was born to be and I just want to be happy.
I've always said that the only real thing I wanted to achieve in this life is to find genuine happiness- to be completely happy with wherever I end up.
But I've even begun to fear that this is something I can never achieve.

When I think about it, maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Perhaps if I am never completely happy with where I am in life, I will keep pushing to make the world a better place.

I'm going to end abruptly again, for I'm growing tired of shouting my weaknesses to the world.
I'll end this by saying that I'm going to try, with all I have in me, to improve these shortcomings. I want to learn good things about myself when I make these discoveries. I will not cower for the rest of my life and let my fear cause me to never live up to my full potential. And I will learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like what I have to say. In fact, most people won't like what I have to say.
But I just need to keep telling myself that no one ever achieved greatness by taking the easy way out.

Love,
Marissa

Coronary

2007-10-09T09:41:00.000-04:00

It clenches, contracts.
Opens. Beats.
Pulsing.

I feel it before I hear it.

Deep, resonating.
Forever unseen.
Soft and warm.
It beats for me.
Always for me.
Only for me.

I love you.

Why?

2007-10-04T19:44:00.000-04:00

I have had far too many ideas dancing around my brain lately, so trying to form an organized post about anything has seemed to be quite a task.

Here goes my first real attempt.

Every day I find myself overusing a one-word question in my mind: "why?"

Realizing that I have been doing such has caused me to wonder-
Why are there not a whole lot more people asking themselves this simple question?

I see too many people just eating up knowledge, having no idea where it originated.

One major subject I believe everyone should question endlessly is why they believe what they believe. Far too many people inherit and follow the religion they were brought up with in their family "just because" that's how they grew up.

Why?

Living in a fairly rural area of the Southeastern section of the United States, I don't get to have conversations with people from too large a variety of religions.

In fact, it sometimes seems as if everyone around here is either Christian, Agnostic, or Atheist, though I'm more than aware that this is far from true.

The point of that statement is to use this example: I know, because I have witnessed it happen, that many Christians become infuriated when you ask them why they believe the things their religion is based upon. A common response seems to be "because it's in the Bible," which they usually spit at the inquirer with a scowl and a dirty look.

Um...
Okay, here we go.

If you cannot comfortably question your beliefs, you have no business claiming them as your own.
No religion or "faith" is worth a cent or a second of time, unless it can be questioned and proven so you can firmly believe it in your heart.

Blind faith is absolutely ridiculous.

No matter what religion or beliefs you practice, when someone else questions them, you should be able to look them in the eye and give them an honest answer that is actually based on something solid, eliminating any "just because" responses. For all you know, this person was genuinely interested in some answers, and your scowl and "you're a complete idiot" glare was enough to turn them off to your "faith" forever.

Some of the strongest, most amazing people I know are people who have questioned every aspect of their religion and come through the other end of the tunnel stronger and wiser. A lot of these people are Christians, and they are the people who should be questioned about their faith, since they are actually aware of what their beliefs are and why they believe them.
Unfortunately, they are rarely ever the ones questioned- because they often aren't found in a church.

I'm going to step away from this topic before I wear it out.

This post was not really meant to be religion-based, anyway.

My point is simply this:
You should question everything you learn.
Don't listen to a lecture from your professor and assume every statement he makes is a fact.
Don't listen to your preacher/priest/rabbi, or whatever you religious "leader" may be, and accept his word as law.

Question every piece of knowledge that is fed to your mind.
Research it.
Pick apart every aspect of it until you are absolutely certain you have it right.

I swear to you that your beliefs, as well as your entire life, will have so much more meaning if you do.

I'm out.

Love,
Marissa

Originally posted: September 20, 2007

2007-10-04T18:52:00.000-04:00

Peripheral.

It is always a joy to not realize you have a chest cold until after you’ve gone for a run [hint: sarcasm].

After work tonight, I decided I would calm my spirits with a nice run. I had been developing a pretty hefty headache all evening, so I took some medicine before changing clothes and setting out.

The park was quiet and dark, with only brief patches of the track brightened by the orange glow descending from the “security” lights on their tall posts. It’s been an incredible night, with wonderfully cool air. It all seemed terrific…

Until I stopped running.

After having had a shower [in the community hall bathroom, where I was scalded three times], I now find myself with a distinct and very painful rattling in my chest, as well as an annoying cough. I still have the headache, and the hernia in my right calf is throbbing.

No pain, no gain?

It was still a nice night. I got to be outdoors and I had a few moments alone to just think about my day.

I also realized that, when I am running, I seem to lose my peripheral vision. I can see the track ahead of me, and I am not distracted by things sneaking into the corner of my vision- because it is not within my line of sight.

Call it elementary, but I often find myself delightfully shocked by simple realizations like the one I had on my run. I’m left in awe of the fact that I subconsciously block out distraction in such a simple form, to help myself focus both physically and mentally on the road ahead.

There is something very beautiful in being human. The fact that we have the ability to be conscious of so many things at once, to feel pain as well as pleasure, and to experience emotion, is absolutely breathtaking.

Imagine how many undiscovered abilities we may possess, but never uncover. Just the fact that we can continue to expand and store knowledge until the day we die is amazing enough. What if, somewhere buried in the deepest and darkest recesses of our minds, we have the ability to reach true enlightenment? Most of us have had deja vu at some point in our lives. What if this means we are somehow capable of seeing the future? The possibilities are truly endless. No one can say anything is impossible because there is absolutely no way of knowing, at this point, exactly what we are capable of.

It just makes me wonder- where do our true limits lie?

I think they lie in our doubt. We do not, as a species, have the self-assurance (or perhaps we have too much self-assurance) it takes to discover all the amazing things our minds and bodies could be capable of. I doubt we ever will. We’ve come so far over the years, yet now we seem to think we know all there is to know. We’ve discovered all that is important and that is that.

It’s a true disappointment.

I want to test my limits. I want to always question everything I am taught. Sometimes it can tear your world apart to unearth a new truth for yourself, but it is completely and amazingly worth it when you realize what an amazing thing you have achieved. When you realize that you’ve gone against the “norm” and found a place that is right for you, even if it is not accepted by anyone else of this generation.

I’ll stop now. I feel a tangent, or rant, or something similar coming on, and this has been jumpy and sloppy enough already. It could get painful and ugly.

I need rest.

Sorry for the abrupt ending. Perhaps I can organize my train of thought into a different post at another time.

Love,

Marissa

Originally posted: September 19, 2007

2007-10-04T18:50:00.000-04:00

The Fallen.

I have been enjoying the recent weather immensely.

It went from being unrelentingly hot and dry to being perfectly cool and breezy.

Even the shadows seem to be more enthusiastic.

Mike, my boss, called and left a voice mail on my cell today, while I was taking a Philosophy exam, telling me I did not have to come into work tonight. He is going to be working with the newest employee, to make sure she’s received adequate training. My services aren’t needed.

I cannot express how excited this made me.

Lately, I’ve been closing almost every night of the week, on top of my school hours. So you could definitely say I am in dire need of a break.

I took this newfound delight with me to the cafeteria, got my lunch “to go,” and took it with me to the park across the street from campus [Demorest Springs Park] to eat.

The park is not expansive, but I was alone. Just being able to look around me at the grass and trees, and to feel the breeze on my skin, was enough to calm all of my recent worries.

I absolutely adore days like today.

When I was finished with my lunch, I proceeded to an empty swing (foolish to say, since they were all vacant) to ponder my surroundings.

I noticed college students walking down the sidewalk from campus to their cars, or from their cars to class. There was nothing setting them apart from each other, and I realized none of them looked significant.

It is hard to imagine that my peers will one day become the influential leaders of the world in which I live.

I have trouble really picturing any of them in business suits, in politics, being elected into office, or leading a revolution. It made me wonder where the transition really is between childhood to adulthood. It’s really impossible to determine the answer, and I’m sure it is very different for different people.

I finally came to the conclusion that maturity is a predator. It sneaks up on you, catching you unaware. You don’t realize you’ve been caught until it’s too late.

No one realizes they’ve become an adult until it’s already happened. We will be left without our youth- having it torn right out from under our noses- wondering, “where has it gotten off to?”

After my potentially creepy observation of fellow students [okay- I really didn’t make it that obvious], I turned my attention to a couple who had brought their toddler to the park to play. I considered the nature of young children.

When a child falls, he may cry for a moment. But after a brief time, he forgets his injury and gets back up. He goes right back to doing the thing that caused his injury. He is more determined than ever to overcome the obstacle.

It’s very hard to defeat a small child. They simply have too much determination.

Why is it that we lose this trait as we progress in years? Have we all been injured one time too many? Too many adults build up their defenses. If we are met by any obstacle, we try to find a different way, instead of overcoming the barrier.

In some situations, this can be looked at as a positive change. We will use oven mitts when fetching something from the oven in order to avoid being burned. In others, however, it can be the most tragic of developments a person can experience.

We may fight off love, arguably the most amazing emotion, act, and experience one can experience in their lifetime, for fear of having our heart broken.

Where a child would fall off the chair and furiously climb back to the top to prove his triumph, adults cower, and crawl away in defeat.

Food for thought?

I think I have presented enough for one afternoon.

Love,

Marissa

Originally posted: September 14, 2007.

2007-10-04T18:48:00.000-04:00

Changelings.

A young man from my graduating class posted a bulletin on the infamous MySpace yesterday that read,

“People changed after graduation.

And some of them are starting to freak me out.”

I have absolutely no idea who he was referring to with this post, but it sparked a train of thought for me.

Change: it’s an extremely important aspect of our lives, as members of the human race.

Isn’t change what we were built for? I believe that life is all about changing and evolving until I’ve become the person I was born to be. The transition from high school to the real world is a huge change for most people. Whether you are moving away to go to college or staying at home- there always seems to be room for some sort of progress.

In fact, the biggest change I’ve undergone in years happened this fall, when I began college.

I’m attending a small, private college in Northeast Georgia that is located only about 15 minutes from my parents’ house. I live on campus, but I obviously did not, by any means, move far away from home. That does not mean this hasn’t been a drastic change.

I was used to my parents always knowing where I was and who I was with (though they eased up on their rules once I hit 18). Then I was thrown into a world where I didn’t have to report to anyone.

I found college to be exciting, but not at all close to all the things it had been built up to be by people who had been before me. In fact, I was severely disappointed. I have to work more than I ever have in academics, which always came very easily to me. On top of that, I have a job. I have to have a job.

Hours of class and homework don’t pair nicely with working 5 nights a week, so I hardly have the time to be a social butterfly. This has made the “making friends” thing quite difficult.

This was the biggest shock, I think, because I haven’t had that problem since 2nd grade. I’ve always been outgoing and almost overly-friendly. But college somehow destroyed the self-esteem I was finally able to develop, leaving me generally (for the first time since elementary years) shy and reserved. The one thing I was looking forward to most in college was making close, lifelong friends. All I’ve made so far are acquaintances.

People from high school would be shocked if they saw me in my new environment. I used to be loud and fun to the point of almost being hyperactive. Now I’m quiet, sleepy, and busting my ass just trying to get all my work in on time and pass.

Somehow I managed to get off on a tangent, and not go even close to the direction I meant to take with this.

My point was supposed to be that everyone was born to change. I consider this just a transition period until I become something bigger and better than before. What goes down must come up.

I have changed, and I am about to change a lot more. I don’t consider any of this a negative thing. Sure- certain changes people go through can turn out to be very bad. But change, as a whole, is a very positive thing for people to go through. It shows that we’re real and living, and that we’re actually making progress with our lives.

If the world was packed with people who never changed after high school, methinks it would be extremely depressing- even more depressing than the world is at the present.

With that, I am out.

Campus Life.

2007-08-06T11:15:00.000-04:00

So, apparently freshman orientation sucks.

It's like a summer camp where every activity is planned out in advance for you.

Even "free time" is a set little block that you have to observe.

Unfortunately, that little block is not on my group's agenda today. Luckily, our last "activity" got out with 30 minutes to spare before the cafeteria opens for lunch.

I then get to scarf down some food and then get on a bus to go to a ropes course.

You get the summer camp analogy yet?

Got moved in yesterday, and met my roommate. Her name is Megan. Though we have our differences, we get along well and do have a lot in common, too.

For instance. We both have this really weird sense of humor that a lot of people don't appreciate.

And we're both ridiculously sarcastic.

So far things look good. Then again, it has been less than 24 hours.

As for the "orientation," I'll be glad when it was over. Unfortunately, Sunday-Wednesday will have to be endured by me. One and a half down, 2 to go. :(

I'm out.

Ouch.

2007-08-03T11:23:00.000-04:00

Today I received my 5th shot this year.

I'm really starting to feel like somewhat of a pin cushion.
Not a nice feeling. :(

But this should be my last one for a long time. I hope to god.

Today's shot was my third and final Gardasil shot [more info on Gardasil].

It was really painful going in- probably worse than any shot I've ever received. But it hasn't gotten the after-soreness yet, so that's good. And, when you consider the benefits of the vaccine, it's really worth it.

There was recently an article in our local newspaper- a public outcry over this vaccine. There has been some talk in the county about making the vaccine mandatory, such as a tetanus short, or similar to it. Many parents in the community complained that a shot to prevent sexually transmitted diseases was just going to encourage their daughters to have sex or lose their virginity before marriage, along with other, similar ignorant arguments.

Here goes another tirade.

I don't understand how people can be so close-minded and ignorant. This vaccine is a major medical breakthrough. You may think your daughter doesn't need this shot because she's a virgin. Maybe she is waiting until marriage. But who's to say her future husband will do the same? How are you to know, and how is she to know that he didn't have multiple partners before her? After all, males can carry HPV and show absolutely no signs of it. So she may not know anything is wrong until she gets the news that she has cervical cancer. Isn't it better to do this one thing for her, while she's young, to save her from ever hearing that terrible and frightening news years down the line? Isn't her safety more important than your selfish fears?

It's like saying that giving your child a tetanus shot is encouraging them to go step on rusty nails and bits of tin. It's absolutely ridiculous.

Enough ranting for one day, I suppose.
I need to get some more packing done. I'm moving out Sunday [into my dorm], and I have a long way to go, as far as packing goes. Earliest I've ever started packing for anything, though. I started last night. :)

But I've never packed for anything this major before. Soooo I needed the early start. Even though it's really not-so-early.

A rainy day.

2007-08-02T18:17:00.000-04:00

So I've made some changes since my first stupid entry.

I'm learning to love the body I have for what it does for me, and I'm learning how to treat it well.

I'm eating less, but not stupidly less, just the amount I should be eating to be healthy. Also, for the past few days I've been drinking lots and lots of water.

And I've begun running and weight-lifting again. Sooo we'll see how my progress goes.

I've really realized lately how much some people piss me off.

[...edited a large portion of this entry out. it would have been right here...]

Long story cut short, so as not to offend anyone and piss anyone off- people need to learn to take some responsibility. For their actions, for their mistakes... and mostly, for their lives.
Because this is the real world- no one's here to take care of you. Most of us already have too much on our plates, just trying to take care of ourselves.

So grow up.

I'm out.

<3